As you read this, imagine that it is being narrated to you by Boris Karloff.
Once upon a time, in a land called Whoville, there lived a bunch of fine folks called Whos. They were a prosperous and happy group, always voted Republican, and were satisfied in their capitalist ways!
Just to the south of Whoville was a wall to keep out illegal immigrants, some of whom were good people. But others were rapists, gang members, drug dealers and murderers. Behind this wall also lived the Grinch, a liberal who was green with envy whenever he scaled the wall and sneaked past border security to see all of the happiness and cheer in Whoville.
The Grinch said to himself “Why should this be? These Whos run businesses, buy expensive things, give gifts to each other, and sing just because they’re happy. I must do something to stop these Whos. Just because they work hard, educate their children, go to church, and give generously to charity, doesn’t mean they should have more than those of us who aren’t motivated to work! Why should they have roast beast when I don’t? Their wealth should be taken away and redistributed.” That’s when the Grinch formulated a plan!
He decided to visit the liberal side of the Swamp, where he found Swamp creatures named Bernie and AOC, Booker and Warren among many others who were wallowing in the smelly muck. They all sympathized with him because he was smart and brave enough to evade border security so that he could infiltrate Whoville and see and report all of its evils. All the Swamp creatures agreed with him that something had to be done, so they went into action. They legislated massive new taxes for the people of Whoville. There was a wealth tax, a happiness tax, a roast beast tax, a carbon footprint tax, and even a singing tax. They legislated new regulations and rules so that businesses could be better controlled by those in the Swamp. They sent in police to take away their guns because the Whos were conservative, and therefore, obviously dangerous. They took away their private health insurance and gave them the insurance of the Swamp.
The Grinch did not become happier as he achieved his goals, but he was content that the Whos were sharing in his misery. He kept urging the Swamp creatures to do more so that the evil Whos would learn their lesson once and for all. After all, who were they to think that just because you work hard you should have more than anyone else?!
So then, the Swamp creatures tore down the wall, and opened the borders of Whoville to all who wanted to come: good people, rapists, gang members, drug dealers and murderers. They gave them all free healthcare, housing, and a basic minimum income.
So now the Grinch was somewhat satisfied with what he and the Swamp creatures had accomplished. He decided that Christmas would be the perfect time to go and see if he had destroyed all the joy that Whoville once held.
Dressed in a red Santa suit, he got there on Christmas day to discover homeless and mentally ill people living on the streets in piles of filth. The doors of the churches were boarded up and there was no music or cheer. For the first time in his miserable life, he let a little smile come to his lips.
But then he started looking around for a Who. But not a single one did he find.
Then he realized that he had destroyed Whoville, but not the Whos, who had all moved away to places with less taxes and regulations, and maybe even better weather. He understood now that the Whos that he sought to destroy would still be happy, singing and gift-giving on this Christmas day. They would be in their churches and homes and volunteering in hospitals and food lines with all the cheer they had always displayed on Christmas. They were still prosperous and happy, and still eating roast beast.
The Grinch then returned to the Swamp where he started planning anew what else he could do to the Whos with his liberal and socialist ways.
— Mr. Evil