Mr. Evil is on vacation until August. Until he returns, classic articles from the past will be posted for your reading enjoyment.
Happy Valentine’s Days! Considering the occasion, here’s a true story to warm your heart:
A few months ago while in the grocery, I ran into a retired language teacher I’ve known for years. She’s at least a decade older than me, and her husband, Richard, probably has another decade on her.
After a few moments of small talk, I asked, “How’s Richard?”
“Oh, he’s getting along okay,” she said. “He’s had some problems with his heart and he recently got a pacemaker, but I think he’s doing fine.”
She then went on to explain that heart problems run in Richard’s family.
I politely listened as she painstaking listed the cardiac maladies of her husband’s large family, while she also gave a synopsis of some of the treatments. It was probably good that she had chosen to be a language teacher because she certainly liked to use words, and lots of them.
One of the curses of being retired is that everyone assumes you have time to stand in the supermarket isles and chat endlessly because there’s nothing else to do.
When she finally got to one of the brothers, she explained that Bob had recently had open heart surgery. She went on to tell me about a device that doctors used to heat his heart. “I didn’t know they had heaters for the heart, did you?” she questioned.
“No,” I admitted, “but medical technology is amazing.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “Some people really do have cold hearts.” She then looked up at me and smiled for the first time in the conversation. “Just so you know, I think Richard’s brother is a Republican. You know, they all have cold hearts!”
I stood there in an awkward silence as she waited for me to respond to her brilliant observation. I said nothing.
After a few seconds, the radiance on her face faded. She quickly covered her mouth with a hand as if to hide a gasp. “Oh my God! You’re not one of THEM are you?”
I smiled graciously at her. “Say, hi to Richard for me,” I said as I walked away.
She was at a loss for words.
— Mr. Evil