Just a few days ago, San Francisco had a real problem with crime, drug addicts and juvenile delinquency, among its many other dilemmas.
However the city found a cheap and effective solution to solve those pestering issues.
Now, San Francisco is devoid of felons. There are no more drug addicts on the streets, and delinquency along juveniles has disappeared. And San Francisco’s Board of Supervisors, it seems, is overjoyed that it has been able to take on these complex problems and return the city to its former glory.
How did the Supervisors engineer such a seemingly insurmountable task?
It’s simple. They passed a resolution saying that felons will no longer be called “felons”; instead, they’re now called “justice-involved” persons or “returning residents.”
The resolution also makes it clear that there are no more juvenile delinquents. They are now a “young person with justice system involvement,” or a “young person impacted by the juvenile justice system.”
What about the drug addicts and substance abusers? They’re now people “with a history of substance use.”
I’m so overjoyed that because of the brainy actions of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, I can now visit the City by the Bay with no fear of the systemic problem I would have had to deal with only a few days ago. No felons = no crime! Right?
Let me get off the subject for a minute, then I’ll get back to San Francisco.
Many city dwellers in San Francisco and elsewhere may not know that residents of rural and surburban areas over much of the country are having problems with skunks. Yes, the smelly black and white creatures immortalized by Warner Brothers in the Pepé Le Pew cartoons. However, skunk infestations can be a real problem, sometimes even forcing families out of their homes.
Here’s my suggestion: there should be a Herculean effort to round up known skunk populations in areas where they’re problems. Then the animals can be dropped onto San Francisco’s streets.
Immediately, the Board of Supervisors can pass a resolution changing their name to something far more appealing.
It’s a win/win situation for everyone. We reduce skunk populations where they’re a nuisance or worse, and give them to a city that will welcome them as “precious aromatic animals.”
— Mr. Evil