Astute readers will have noticed that I haven’t posted many essays on this blog lately.
As with everything, there is a reason.
Last Christmas Eve, our adult children gave us a puppy. It was a total surprise. Our cairn terrier of seventeen years had just passed away a month earlier and the children decided we needed more companionship. Upon taking Chico home, I discovered that he could not be left unattended for more than a couple of minutes. I would sit at my computer to write, and sounds from the other room would force me to check on him. I usually find him chewing up the legs of the dining room chairs, the coffee table, or the lower part of the fireplace mantle. Apparently one of the Persian rugs also has extra flavor because he has a real taste for what’s left of it. Being able to concentrate long enough to write an article has become a rare commodity. After Chico ends teething in a few months, I suspect I’ll be back to writing full-time.
While our cairn terrier was lovable, he was not very smart. On the other hand, Chico is smart — really smart! It took him only minutes to learn the “sit” command. If he’s holding a doggie toy in his mouth and I say “drop it,” he does it immediately. While I’ve tried to teach him to shake hands, he’s way too smart for that. He’s waiting for the dangers of the corona virus to end before he submits to the “shake” command!
Tonight, Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders will meet one-on-one for the first time on the debate stage. While Bernie’s socialist/communist views are way too extreme for mainstream Democrats, he’s not stupid, forgetful, or senile. I believe that Biden may be all of these. Can he survive a one-on-one free-for-all with Bernie for two hours, or will he become flustered and confused before he starts calling Bernie names such as “Chuck” or “Sam” or “a lying, dog-faced pony soldier” and challenging him to go out behind the studio and engage in an arm wrestling match or push up challenge?
Here’s how I image the debate might go tonight:
Bernie: “…and that’s why we have to have universal health care for everyone, including undocumented aliens.”
Sleepy Joe: “First, let me say that we need to be worrying about health care for the middle class and not for those at Universal Studios. Man, I went to Universal Studios once. It’s a place they make movies, you know, and they make some pretty good ones, some of them about space aliens.”
Moderator: “Mr. Vice President, I think you misunderstood your opponent’s statement.”
Sleepy Joe: “I think I know what I understood, Henry.”
Moderator: “My name is not Henry.”
Sleepy Joe: “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. It’s just that I once knew a guy named Henry. When he told me I didn’t know what I was talking about, I took him behind the school house and and beat him silly in a slap-out battle.”
Moderator: Mr. Vice President, do you know what you’re talking about now?
Sleepy Joe: “Absolutely, I know what I’m talking about. Now, what were we discussing? I think it was something about movies.”
Do you have a smart dog (or maybe a cat, ferret, or gerbil) like I do? If so, have him or her with you when you’re watching the debate tonight. Take a look at Sleepy Joe on the screen, then turn and look your dog in the face. Tell me which looks more intelligent, your pet or Joe Biden. I don’t think it will be the face on the television screen.
I’ll put my dog up against Sleepy Joe any time.
The Debate is on CNN at 9PM (Eastern), 8PM (Central).
— Mr. Evil